Stupid feeling

I just got off the phone with my mom and I feel super depressed now. I just saw almost my entire family during Thanksgiving and had a blast at home. I talk to my mom on the phone a couple times a week but it's usually just short conversations. Once every 2 or 3 weeks we have a long talk on the phone and I visit home once a month. It's only a 2 hour drive but with 2 jobs it makes getting back difficult. Anyway I just talked to her and got this shitty depressed feeling as we were in the phone. She was updating me on stuff with my grandparents and brothers etc. and all I did was listen. I can't connect myself fully with anyone because I feel like I'm not being honest with them, even in conversation. There is stuff that I want to be able to tell people and express certain things but I can't so I just hold back. I have always done it I guess even at the bar with friends. Everyone would say "hey look at that chick" "damn she's hot" blah blah blah. And I would just agree or laugh. If I can't commit myself fully then I really don't want to try. So I have always been passive in conversations rather than come out or make up some blatant lies. I have enough of those without having to go out of my way.
Anyway I just wanted to tell my mom over the phone. Just to get it out there it get over the depressed feeling. Maybe she would be ok with it and everything would be awesome or maybe she would yell at me and condemn me and hang up but at least I would know and could move on to figuring actual romantic relationships out. I don't know that I will honestly try to date before my mom knows. I don't know where this is going I'm just tired of internalizing everything and since I don't really have someone close to talk to this works.
I'm supposed to go out for a birthday tonight but now I'd rather be emo and angry at home. Its also supposed to snow here tonight and tomorrow and I was planning on going to one of the quarterfinal games of the men's NCAA tourney tomorrow. Stupid Midwest winter.
Adios Amigos