Catfished?

Hey everyone(which is only a few I know),
As stated last to e I want to get back to this blog again so I'm here to hold up to that.
I joined the gym a few weeks ago...so what right? I have not ever belonged to a gym so signing up was a big step to getting more in shape for me. I have also never been naked/showered in front of people before. I can count on one hand people, besides family, that have seen me with no shirt on. So I wasnervous about this whole thing. I did take gym class when I was a freshman but it was a quick change in the corner while everyone else showered. I'm sure I smelled wonderful the rest of the day at school.  Anyway for the first week or so I just went to the gym, worked out, and left. I didn't like being all sweaty in my car and getting my jacket all sweaty so I said fuck it and decided to shower at the gym.
   Only problem is my bodies natural reaction to knowing that I'm showering next to a hot dude---erection.  Haha. It's like I'm catching up on some puberty things I missed by skipping showers in school. It's not that I'm necessarily attracted to the guy in the stall next to me, I can't see him, it's just the excitement of being that close to a naked guy. Today was my second boner-free shower...haha. I was having to finish my showers in cold water and picturing vaginas(:/ ewww). But I think I finally got flaccid showers figured out. lol.

Now in reference to my title. You all remember this. Well I had to get a new phone since that hookup thing happened and apparently my blocks didn't transfer on Grindr. So guy messages me and we talk for a couple days. Then we start texting and he seems a little off but not so much I can't keep talking and see where it goes. He seems really needy when he drinks and is always crazy insistent that i go spend the night with him even after we have talked about seeming to hit it off and wanting to go out on a date or 2 before it gets physical. However I am too big of a wuss to pull the trigger and meet up with him so we talk allot. He tells me about his work and school which are not the same as original shitty hookup, the pic is also much more attractive.
Then I get messages from a different profile on Grindr that has a similar picture but its hard to say for sure if they are the same. They never message me on the same day and some conversations switched from profile to profile so I figured they were the same guy.  Then the other day I log on and see that one of the pics has changed to original shitty hookup and I instantly get pissed and block/delete both profiles.
Not that me and original shitty hookup talked allot that night but from what he told me then vs. now it was all lies one of the times. The schools were different as was the amount of time he lived in the city. I see no point in conversing with a liar. I had also told him this time around about the shitty head I had received this summer which is kind of funny now. Lol. It was nothing like the show Catfish, I don't know how those people date for years with no physical contact or actual seeing of a person.

That's all of the time of yours I will waste. Thanks and I hope those of you with boyfriends have a good Valentines Day.....as for the rest of us we will have a lonely beer.
Haha. Later

Sorry :(

Hello life.
 I'm drunk. ish right now. I would like to apologize for taking an insane break and not writing. I wish I had a cool video blog like socrkid17. He's kind of my hero for doing a video blog....and being so good looking while doing so. :)
What's new with me is nothing. I have come out to no more people since last post. My Loire has had very few changes worth telling. I'm not really friends with Lea and her bf right now. And I'm ok with that. Anyone who can so easily dump thief friends of 5+ years without batting an eye isn't really worth the effort so I'm moving on with trying to make new friends. It's taking some time. I spend a lot of free time on Xbox, ESPN, and at the gym. Did anyone catch the Canada v. USA match the other night? It wasn't too great, we have some work to do to make the World Cup.....
I am currently down 70 lbs since I started keeping track last August. I need to lose 20 more for my vacation to Jamaica this May!! It'll be hard but I'll get there.
I have also been getting to be better friends with my little bro in the last couple months. His GF lives in the same city as me so he visits and we all hang out. He's also pretty toasted right now and I may have to pick him up from her house. Sometimes he acts too much like our dad, which isn't a good thing.
I'm rambling and am sorry. I hope you all are doing well. If I had more to tell I'd update more often. I reallllly want to try to blog more and get shit off my chest so look for a resurgence. Lol.
I guess the one thing new is this guy I met on Grindr. I know I know. Grindr. But he seems pretty legit and cool and wants more than a hookup. The only problem is our schedules and the fact that I'm too big of a bitch to pull the trigger and meet up with him.... Idk why but outgoing is something I've never been....
Anywho glad to be back and I have to wake up in 3 hours.
Adios

Anybody there??

It has been an insane amount of time since my last post and I apologize for that. Its not that I'm never on blogger, I usually check it daily, I just haven't found time to write. To start with it seems like nobody blogs anymore, not that I have room to talk, but besides today my feed has sat unchanged in 3 weeks...
Half of this post is going to be from a good place and the other half is going to be angsty emo stuff, so sit back and enjoy the ride.haha

 Firstly I was right. Lea and Jake are a couple. I was over at her place drinking with her and Jake and they were all touchy which I thought was weird since I was in the room and they usually try to hide that stuff. So when I got the chance I asked Lea if they were dating or smashing or what and she said we are dating I thought you knew....I told them I didn't and then called them out a little bit for being sneaky and essentially both become so involved in each other that they forgot my existence. And then we got into an hours long conversation about my being gay. It was mostly between me and Jake with Lea contributing occasionally. It was really awesome to talk about stuff. Jake apologized for any of the shit he might have said that could have been offensive before I told him, and then apologized again lol. They wanted to know who I found attractive at work and what famous guys I though were hot, not Brad Pitt which he couldn't wrap his head around, I'm a Ryan Lochte guy.haha. Then he asked if I was attracted to him ever, I lied a little bit and said no, I just saw him as a friend, didn't want to risk any awkward since things were going so well. I also told Lea about the half-ass attempted hookup with "Morgan" from a couple years ago, she knows him and it pretty well blew her mind. Overall it was pretty great to just hangout out and verbalize my actual thoughts and feelings. When that was all said and done we broke into the pool at Lea's place and swam for a bit, It was a 5am night that was well worth feeling like shit in the morning.

Now lets bring the tone down a bit darker.....kidding, its not that bad. Now that I live on my own I have even less human interaction than before and feel a little bit cut off from the world. I am trying really hard to work up the courage to go down the street to the bar by myself, I don't know why I just feel like it would be weird to go to a bar alone. People do it all the time I understand that but I just haven't been able to bring myself to it. I am thinking about getting a part time job in the bar district here just to meet people and get out of the house, money doesn't hurt either. Also during our talk Jake was talking alot about me just coming out, he obviously can't grasp just how stressful and important a decision that is to make but again verbalizing that stuff and being able to have an actual conversation has me thinking alot about it ever since. See nothing too bad just usual closeted bullshit that I think I am really ready to dump forever.

Did you guys watch the Olympics at all? I have no idea what I am going to do to occupy all my time now that they are over. Although I discovered reddit yesterday and have killed a few hours over there since. haha.
Later

5 total

This last week my friend Jake (purple belt) came over and we decided to walk around my new neighborhood to see what was within walking distance and how far I was from all the bars.haha. It was pretty cool we walked for probably a couple hours and stopped and got ice cream and stopped in an art gallery which had some pretty sweet nature pictures, if only I had a few grand to buy one. Anyway we were walking back and he just started a question and I knew exactly where it was going. He said either Lea is a really bad liar or I just believe her but I have a question to ask and it might be kind of awkward but are you gay? I just started laughing and simply said yes. It was really easy and it felt extremely freeing to get it out in the open with him. He actually asked questions about it too, which was cool and sort of a way I knew that he was ok with it and didn't just want to know and then never mention it again. Then he started talking about how his parents told have talked to him a few times about it being ok if he is gay and he could tell them...add that to the list.ha.
So he makes the 5th person that I have told and it really is getting easier. I kind of like when people ask me it takes the pressure off and takes away all of the work of starting/segueing into the topic.
Also not sure if I made it clear in my last post about moving but me and Lea "broke up" in roommate terms, were still cool she just wanted to live alone and "grow up" as she put it. I was a little weary about it at first but I think living alone will be good for me after living with a roommate or my parents for pretty much my entire life.
And I am also very excited for the school year to start, I live close to a college campus!

And I finally watched shelter..it was really good.
later

The moment we've all been waiting for....

I recently moved from my suburban apartment to an apartment downtown in the city. Its really close to all the happenings here in town and I have always wanted to live in a city. Plus I figured the chance of meeting a guy would be easier in a place where everyone is more progressive, and less redneck. haha. So far I have chatted with a few guys on Grindr but nothing too major.
Until last night. This guys chatted me and asked if I wanted to come over. I usually would have said no, but for some reason I really just wanted to go out on a limb and see what it would be like. He only lived a few blocks away and I stupidly went. I got to his place and he let me in the building. I tried to make some small talk about his apartment and how nice his place was and all he wanted to do was get me into his room. Which was the ultimate reason for my visit, but conversation never killed anyone. We went to his room and started kissing. We ended up just messing around for a bit and sucking some D.lol. That was all we did but it wasn't for a lack of him trying.
One of the weirdest things I have ever seen was when he came he would lift his right hand above his head like he was a bull rider....I just stared at him. I have watched some porn in my life, I mean I am a 24 year old virgin, and I have never seen anything like that.haha

He was really insistent that I fuck him. He asked, I told him no. He asked again and I asked if he had condoms, he said "maybe". We messed around for a few again and then he told me to "do him" (this is a little weird for me to write so excuse any awkward language.haha) I told him no I didn't want to and he told me just to stick it in... I said no again. He got off again. YEEHAW. And then we were laying there and he wanted to cuddle. I told him I would stay for awhile. And just kept moving around and he started to run his finger across my face.
I left.
Went home. Blocked him. Cleaned up. Went to bed regretting my decision to go over. I guess I am glad that I took a step I just wish it would have turned out better. I really wasn't that attracted to him nor did I feel a connection so I found myself disconnected from the situation and staring off during the whole thing.
I know I managed to make this into a random ramble but I wanted to share.
Also I think I received the toothiest blow job ever!! haha.
No more random hookups, dates only for this guy.

too much work

At this point in time I should be doing my homework... but this seems much funner. I started a couple online summer classes a few weeks ago so I cold get in some credits and still work full time.. I have got to have the worst timing ever. We are doing our annual inventory at work and I have to fill in where needed when people call in so I am in the middle of a 17 day in a row stretch at work, I'll have had 4 days off this month. I have spent so much time at work I already fell behind in one of my classes. Not how I saw things starting off but I'm sure Ill be back on top of it soon.
I have also become increasingly more active in the last couple months. I did Warrior Dash a couple weeks ago and did relatively well. Placed in the top 1/3 out of almost 10,000 people, which I was happy with seeing as I had never run in any type of race. This past week through work I was in charge of putting together a group of us to do a couple legs of the "torch run" for the state games here. Kind of like the Olympic torch carry but with much less importance. haha. I ran a total of about 6 miles in 2 days, which is a lot for me. I don't know if I'd go so far as it was fun but I always love the sense of accomplishment I get after running a distance. I haven't played tennis or lifted in a couple weeks but am supposed to start with Jake again soon (more on that in a minute). I also got a soccer ball for my birthday a couple of weeks ago and am taking applications for a coach since I haven't played in a few(15) years. haha. It will take a pro
To go with that since August when I started my challenge to lose weight and get in shape I have lost 55lbs. I am pretty happy with the results thus far but I have kind of hit a plateau and really want to lose another 20lbs. When I look at pictures of how I used to look versus now its kind of disgusting.
On to the Jake issue. Since I wrote about him last we very rarely hang out and conversations are almost a little awkward. But not because I made a move on him or went to far, if that happened I would be ok with it.haha. Its actually because him and my roommate Lea have a thing now. Which I am 100% ok with but they have pretty much lied to me about the whole thing and snuck around my back. I know I sound like a bitchy cheerleader so let me explain. Jake would come over to my place to hangout and one night I went to bed because I had to work the next morning, and he stayed and watched TV with Lea. Soon he would text me to hangout and come over and then come over late and stay and hangout after I went to bed. So I felt like he was just using me just to get to hang out with her. After then I went on vacation came back and we lifted once and it was slightly awkward-much less muscle touching- and they both acted a little weird. Now he's at my place all the time with her and they go on walks and go driving around for a couple hours. Essentially they same things we used to do but with sex.haha. They are always playing footsie and wrestling and one night they passed out on the floor cuddling and then as soon as I went to my room they got up and went to hers. All those clues would lead me to believe they are hooking up, I think its pretty solid evidence. But the thing is neither one of them have came out and said anything to me and they both act really guilty and weird after he stays the night....So while I know I should jealous, I hate being lied to more than anything.
Whining complete. On a positive note I put in my 2 week notice at the bar. While I will miss the money I won't miss the people and their narrow-minded views I had to sit and listen to for hours at a time.
here are some summer pics

Survey says......

This is a time that I am going to ask that everyone leave a comment. I only have 29 followers and probably a few non-followers who stop in and read. 5 people know that I like dudes. Lea, U, his fiancee, B, and the girl from the bar. B, U, and fiancee all live in other towns, none of which are close. Lea is not a person I have come to put much stock in when it comes to gay things and girl from bar I don't really talk to. So my question out of all of this is:
  Do I go out alone to meet guys??
I know I sound like a friendless introvert but I don't see the point in going out with people who don't know and trying to catch a dudes eye while avoiding the attention of the people I'm actually with.
I really want to go to downtown even if its alone just to be in the area of town where everyone goes out. But at the same time I don't want to be "that guy" who goes to the bar alone and sits there alone just drinking the night away. alone.
Yes the simple solution is to just tell all my friends and family I'm gay and live life....but shit isn't that easy and "happily ever after".
Let me know please! If I get enough responses soon maybe I'll try and savage the night.haha.

A couple off subject things. What happened to RJ? Maybe his life is just going so well he didn't to to vent, if so thats awesome.

#2. I cannot fucking wait for the College World Series in a few weeks. I have gone every year for the last 7 years and it is one of the funnest things ever. I highly recommend coming if your team makes the tourney, or if your just bored. There are also a lot of hot college dudes there to see their schools play, and it gets hot, and they get shirtless, and painted.haha

thats all, hope to get some comments. thanks