Monday, August 13, 2012

Anybody there??

It has been an insane amount of time since my last post and I apologize for that. Its not that I'm never on blogger, I usually check it daily, I just haven't found time to write. To start with it seems like nobody blogs anymore, not that I have room to talk, but besides today my feed has sat unchanged in 3 weeks...
Half of this post is going to be from a good place and the other half is going to be angsty emo stuff, so sit back and enjoy the ride.haha

 Firstly I was right. Lea and Jake are a couple. I was over at her place drinking with her and Jake and they were all touchy which I thought was weird since I was in the room and they usually try to hide that stuff. So when I got the chance I asked Lea if they were dating or smashing or what and she said we are dating I thought you knew....I told them I didn't and then called them out a little bit for being sneaky and essentially both become so involved in each other that they forgot my existence. And then we got into an hours long conversation about my being gay. It was mostly between me and Jake with Lea contributing occasionally. It was really awesome to talk about stuff. Jake apologized for any of the shit he might have said that could have been offensive before I told him, and then apologized again lol. They wanted to know who I found attractive at work and what famous guys I though were hot, not Brad Pitt which he couldn't wrap his head around, I'm a Ryan Lochte guy.haha. Then he asked if I was attracted to him ever, I lied a little bit and said no, I just saw him as a friend, didn't want to risk any awkward since things were going so well. I also told Lea about the half-ass attempted hookup with "Morgan" from a couple years ago, she knows him and it pretty well blew her mind. Overall it was pretty great to just hangout out and verbalize my actual thoughts and feelings. When that was all said and done we broke into the pool at Lea's place and swam for a bit, It was a 5am night that was well worth feeling like shit in the morning.

Now lets bring the tone down a bit darker.....kidding, its not that bad. Now that I live on my own I have even less human interaction than before and feel a little bit cut off from the world. I am trying really hard to work up the courage to go down the street to the bar by myself, I don't know why I just feel like it would be weird to go to a bar alone. People do it all the time I understand that but I just haven't been able to bring myself to it. I am thinking about getting a part time job in the bar district here just to meet people and get out of the house, money doesn't hurt either. Also during our talk Jake was talking alot about me just coming out, he obviously can't grasp just how stressful and important a decision that is to make but again verbalizing that stuff and being able to have an actual conversation has me thinking alot about it ever since. See nothing too bad just usual closeted bullshit that I think I am really ready to dump forever.

Did you guys watch the Olympics at all? I have no idea what I am going to do to occupy all my time now that they are over. Although I discovered reddit yesterday and have killed a few hours over there since. haha.

1 comment:

  1. Hey dude. Nice pics of Ryan Lochte and Jake Dalton, haha. I didn't watch much of the Olympics, just a bit the opening weekend. Men's swimming and gymnastics are my favs to watch, for obvious reasons, haha.

    That's great that you had such a good conversation with your friends. I agree that people who don't go through it find it hard to fathom how much a big deal coming out really is. My cousin and mom outed me to the rest of my family a couple weeks ago, and I think this had a lot to do with it.