Tuesday, August 20, 2013

Big changes

In the last 6 weeks or so my life has changed dramatically. To start with I just moved in with my brother and his girlfriend. We are all renting a house together and I was really excited at the opportunity to live with him because I have never been super close with either of my bros. Obviously I knew that I wanted to come out to him if I was going to be living with him I just never found the right time to tell him, not that I was looking very hard-I was pretty content with taking the easy way and not telling him. A piece of me figured that if I told him before hand that he would change his mind and not want to live with me.
    Anyway a couple weeks after we moved in I was drinking one Saturday night and I got this message on Grindr. The dude didn't have a pic but I always reply because I'm not as much concerned with looks as I am getting to know the guy mostly because I never think I will ever meet the guy and I don't hook up anyway. We hit it off and are chatting he sends a pic and is outrageously fucking hot and he gives me his number to text him. We text for a couple weeks and set up a date. I go down to meet him, about 40 minutes from where I live, and we had a great time at dinner and a few drinks. I, being the inexperienced chicken shit that I am, do not attempt to  make a move of any sort and the night ends with no kiss. He also had fun and we continue talking and I go back another night to go out, it was a late night date of only drinks and no dinner as he had to work late. I planned to go out for a bit and then stop drinking and drive back home, he is not out to 2 of his roommates so staying with him was unfortunately not an option. Well it turns into a bit of shit show and we end up going to the gay club in town so that we can be more outward with our affection. We get there and are instantly touchy and grabby. He finally makes the move and kisses me and we make out for a bit and he decides that he is getting a room for me at the hotel a few blocks away.

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We get there and the plan was to cuddle and sleep....... Instead I had sex for the first time! This was not at all what I thought would happen and we got very little sleep that night. It was awesome and I would have done it had I not liked the kid a lot. I end up having to go back to his city for work for a few days the next week and we meet up and eat a couple times and we decide he's going to come up and visit me.

I decide that its not going to end in some hotel and I really want to wake up in my own bed spooning this kid. I get super drunk one Saturday (bottle and a half of wine and some beers) and come out to my brother while we are outside at our fire pit. He was super cool about it and asked questions and told me there was nothing wrong with it, pretty much anything you could want a coming out to be. I told him about the guy I was seeing and he was cool with it. With that done my guy comes up for our date I had planned and it went really awesome; nice dinner, walk around the park, and sitting out back drinking wine listening to music and holding hands. We went to bed at like 11 and woke up at 4:30 and made out some more and talked until 7 when I had to get up and get going. Again it was awesome.

Then it turned to shit. We talked like normal all week and I planned a date for us this last Saturday, he had to work but when he got off he was going to come down and we were going to get sushi and a couple beers and come hang out at my house again. Then Friday afternoon I sent a text and got no reply which was ok he was probably busy at work. Then another when he was off and still nothing. Then Saturday a verification text with yet again no reply. So I said fuck it and went to a music festival and got shitty with my friends mostly cause I felt like I got stood up with no reason.

I am still super pissed that I haven't heard from him. He said he dropped his phone in the toilet on Thursday but was texting fine up until Friday. I really want to give him the benefit of the doubt but I know I'm dumb for doing so after 5 days of no contact. I just keep holding out hope that every time my phone vibrates its him with some excuse or apology because honestly I would accept it. He was the first guy I ever dated and I liked him a lot in only a months time.

Sob story over now I need opinions, if anyone is reading this still. I want to text him and just figure out why the fuck he cut me out of his life so quickly and abruptly. I don't want to look overly clingy and desperate I just an answer so I can stop thinking about what I did wrong. And of course a part of me still holds out that he lost my number while getting a new phone so my text will bring everything back, give me a few minutes of acting like a 15 year old love sick teenager please, pathetic I know. Question what do I say to him? This is my first semi-relationship and my first real dumping?

Thanks again,
and sorry for the lack of hot man pics


  1. You did nothing wrong. The guy is being a jerk. It hurts. There may be nothing you can say to him. :(

  2. Background--I'm an old guy, ancient by your standards, but really kind of new to admitting that I am gay. My perspective is probably a bit strange, and may not be relevant, but I am compelled to respond anyway.

    I know how hard it is to finally let someone in to your 'inner circle', to trust, to let yourself start to believe in the possibility of a relationship only to have it smashed to bits. I don't really know the right answer because, like you probably are, I want to believe that people are mostly good. However, I think that Ender is probably right. There is not much you can do right now.

    I suggest that you stop the texting...for now. Do nothing and let him figure out what he really wants to do. It might take days or even weeks. As hard as it feels, you need to get over it. One of my favorite sayings goes something like this, "When someone hurts you, cry a river, build a bridge, and get over it."

    However, I am an eternal optimist, but a realist I think. I would give him a few weeks at least, and then I would send him another text...a long one... that says something like this.
    "Sorry if I am interrupting you, but I need to tell you a few things. I really thought we had something special and hoped to see it develop more. Obviously, you didn't, but what you did was hurt me badly. There is no need to do that to anyone. A simple note to me that things were going too fast or you weren't as into me as I was into you would have been a kind thing to say. I just hope you don't treat others the way you treated me. Wishing you the best in your new life."

    It is likely, if you do this, that he will not respond, or, if he is any kind of man at all, will thank you for your comments...but don't think that he will ever come back. He has written this off.

    And remember, you are young with a full life ahead. There will be others, and you will find many who are worthy of you...wait for him.