Tuesday, December 13, 2011

no more gay bar

Here are some highlights from my weekend when I decided to be responsible and be a designated driver, and how I will never do it again.
First off my wisdom teeth are gone. It only took 20 minutes for the surgeon to extract them. Afterwards I was coherent enough to not come out to my mom (I don't know why this was a fear, but it was petty and I was worried), I was however talking like I was drunk and my mom got a kick out of it. Today was the first day I was able to eat something solid and it was the best cheeseburger I have ever had. On Saturday morning I was still passed out from my drugs when I got a call from one of my old roommates. He was calling from jail and he needed someone to go pick him up. I went and picked him up and he told me that he got a DUI, pretty much for being stupid and taking the longest possible way home from the bar on the busiest streets, not that drinking and driving isn't stupid in itself. Anyway I went and picked him up and took him to his get his car out of the impound and then went to work.
When I got off work I went out with some friends for a birthday and volunteered to be DD since I was on pain drugs and didn't want to drink while on them. We went to a few bars and then ended up going to the gay club, as its the only legit dance club in the city. I'm not much of dancer, it looks fun but I'm not one to put myself out there..someday I will. Anyway while at the bar I was on "purse patrol" and watching the purses while everyone else was on the dance floor. I was ok with it as it gave me a chance to look around the bar and gauge the gay scene here. And I came to the conclusion that it isn't for me. I don't dress in drag. I don't wear super tight clothes. I don''t drink pink, sugary, blended drinks. I don't have any feminine qualities. I just don't fit in there. And I am 100% ok with that. Don't get me wrong there were a few hot guys in there but not as many as I would like.haha. One guy came up and started talking to me while he was getting a drink, he seemed liked a decent guy but once again I went to the gay bar with no one who knows that I am gay so there was another level of awkward added. I wish my area had a gay sports bar. I know there are a few of them in bigger cities around the country and they sound like a place that I could fit into pretty well.
                                                                    none of this

                                                                 more of this

Now here comes the humorous/disgusting part of my weekend. After the bar closed I had to fulfill my duties as the DD and take one of my friends home. She only had 5 drinks in the 4 hours that we were at the bar, and she was burning some of that off while dancing. I had a few drinks in the same amount of time and I felt 100% fine when we left. Once we got started down the interstate she told me she felt sick and to pull over. I had just passed an exit and wasn't going to pull over on the interstate, as I said I had a little to drink and cops usually stop when there is a car on the side of the road with a vomiting passenger. So I told her to go ahead and roll her window down and have at it. I want too concerned wit having to wash my car the next day. What actually happened was a disaster. **this is not for the faint or easily sickened** My friend started vomiting out the window as instructed. However, being inebriated, she forgot some laws of physics and momentum. Instead of looking towards the back of the car while getting sick she looked straight ahead...I was driving 65 down the interstate, needless to say it all went back into her face. From her face the wind pushed it back and the shit literally started to fly, everywhere. Everywhere includes my shoulder, my hair, my cheek, IN MY FUCKING MOUTH. I am not the type of person to get sick easily, I can see or smell all kinds of considerably disgusting stuff and be fin, however vomit is where the line is drawn. Puke evokes puke for me. I don't know what came over me but I was able to contain myself and just gag in between my laughs of disbelief and disgust. I dropped her off at home and felt bad for her cause all of it had blown back into her face and she looked sad and gross. haha. 
I got home took a picture of the side of my car and went to bed cause I had to get up and work early. When I opened my door the next morning I gagged instantly. I didn't realize that this girl practically totaled the interior of my car with her stomachs contents. I drive an SUV and there was shit all the way in the cargo area in the back, not to mention everything in between. Enough details. Obviously I needed to clean it up so i went to the car wash and power sprayed the outside for my full minute thirty my quarters paid for, and then I had to add a few more to finish the job. 
I spent my lunch hour with a pair of rubber gloves, carpet cleaner, paper towels, a scrubbing brush, and febreeze. It all cleaned up relatively easy, except the ceiling. Yes you read correctly, my ceiling was destroyed and took quite a bit of effort to clean up but I got it. I had 3 "new car" tree air fresheners in there for the past few days so the horrible smell is gone. 
I wasn't even mad at her which is weird cause when I think of someone else telling me the story I would have told that person they should be pissed and make the other person clean it up, which is what everyone has told me, but I don't feel like getting pissed over stuff if I don't have to for some reason lately.

I just wanted to share that with anyone who wanted to hear about something disgusting/humorous. Someday I hope I have a guy to tell you about but until then you will have to deal with my asexual existence. 

I found a Christmas tree today that I thought was awesome so I bought it and decorated it. It is the ugliest thing in the entire world but I love it and glad that I will have something to put up every year. Here is a pic:
Ugly right......If anyone knows where to get a Tebow tree topper please let me know.haha

I will leave you with this pic. I would rather watch guys make out and show actual affection for each than just watch 2 dudes paid to go at it with each other, just throwing that out there.haha
later

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