A new me

The past year has been the roughest, toughest, best year of my life. First off I accepted who I am early in 2011. Which was huge for me because I have been denying since I was about 15. In April, the 16th to be exact, I came out to Lea. On August 20th I came out to U and finally on October 15th I came out to my friend B. Way more coming out than I planned on a year ago.
Recently I decided that I am going back to school this spring. I feel like I am incomplete with out a degree and a less sophisticated human being. I'm not sure why I feel that way but its a goal that needs accomplished so I will do it.
One thing I really wanted to focus on was my physical changes recently. The week before I came out to U I was really depressed and couldn't do much of anything. Eating included. I lost a little weight that week and I felt good once I came out so I decided what the fuck I am going to keep this up.

One thing I do not like to talk about is how I look. I don't think that I am attractive, when I see myself I wouldn't expect anyone to look twice. I am not ugly (I think) just overweight, which by definition is unattractive.  I do not find fat guys appealing so why would anyone find me attractive???That was my thought process so I decided to change that in August. And I am actually doing it. Here are some pics......I have no idea why I am posting these. I have this fear that you guys will see what I looked/ look like and will stop reading. I know I haven't set up some false image if myself that I am shattering but that is pretty much the only reason I haven't discussed myself til now.....anyway here is a picture of me on vacation in Chicago a couple years ago.

Disgusting I know.

This is me tonight.

A little bit better in my opinion...actually 30lbs better since August. I know I still have some work to do. My goal is to lose another 30lbs by this summer. Sounds petty but I want to swim with my shirt off, something I have felt to uncomfortable to do since I was probably in the 3rd or 4th grade in Colorado.

And finally one more

This one is my favorite.. In the past 4 months I have gone down 5 notches in my belt. Now my belt is too big and I only wear it because it halfway keeps my pants up.
 In 6 months I turn 24 and I want to say that I am happy with my life. That I am fulfilled with pursuing my education and knowing I am doing something that will help me long term. I also want to feel comfortable with how I look and have guys look at me.

later guys--watch my previous video from tonight.haha