coming out #1

To start off with, my Broncos lost to the fucking Raiders of all teams. Should have let Tebow play, cause Orton  sucked, and Tebow is much better looking.haha.

Alright so on to my actual reason for this post. So as I said I came out to Lea after being at a college football scrimmage this last April. After the game we went to a bar where one of m friends was working so it was dollar drinks for this guy.lol. Lea didn't drink much as she had to drive home. After we got back to town we decided to hit up a local hole in the wall where we were regulars. After a some time, and booze, here we decided to go with a few friends to another bar in town. This is where it starts to get fuzzy. Don't get me wrong I used to be a pro at handling my alcohol, I think there were about 12 days during the entire year I was 21 that I didn't drink, but lately I have calmed down a little bit and lost some tolerance. Getting back on track, at this last bar I start to get a little spotty with my memory. Me and Lea came home at about 2am and were laying on the floor in her room. I'm not sure what came over me but I told her I had to tell her something but I wasn't going to tell her if she was too drunk to remember. She said she wasn't and after verifying this with her 8 more times I grabbed her and hand, took a breath and said...."I'm gay". Response "ok, are you sure?" I told her yeah and then told her I was scared and that I didn't plan on telling anyone because I wanted to have friends and I know people would hate me if they knew....at this point in the conversation I was crying my eyes, which is embarrassing as fuck because I never cry. Than our "couch roommate" at the time came home and so we left and drove to BK to get her some food. While driving there I told her about people we work with who I thought were attractive and she said she would always be there for me and would go to to gay bar with me.lol. So then we got home and it was bed time.

Sounds awesome!!!!!! Right? not quite. The next day I woke up and wanted to jump put my window, I didn't want to see her face or what she might think of me once the Captain Morgan wore off. Well I saw her and....nothing. she didn't acknowledge or say anything for over a week. Which had me freaking out because either she wasn't ok with it anymore or she was so drunk she forgot. So a week later we were driving home from my volleyball game and I turned down the radio and asked if she remembered our convo and she said yes...that is pretty much the last time my sexuality has been brought up.

Not that I want it to be a big thing that is focused on but some support or someone to talk to would be nice. If it happens to come up in conversation she will kill the subject and switch it pretty quick. In the past 2 months or so she has eliminated the words "dumb" and "stupid" from her vocabulary and replaced them with gay......fucking awesome to live and work with. Also "fag" and "faggot" are now used often and as maliciously as possible. I honestly wouldn't care if she didn't know...Fuck I used to say "gay" until last year when I finally just accepted myself as a homo and dealt with it. 

I'm not one to start drama by bringing it up although it gets old sometimes. Moral of this story is that my coming out to Lea seemed better than I would have ever thought at first, and then it quickly faded to my worst fears I have always had. It just doesn't make me want to come out anymore knowing not even my "best friend" can accept and support me....

sorry to end on a down note. Here are some pics to bring it back up.lol