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Mom,
I want to start out by saying that I love you and hope that you love me, which I think you do. I really wish I had what it takes to tell you this to your face but I don’t so here it goes. I am gay.
I really hope you are ok with it and still love me. That is the only reason I haven’t come out and said it is because I am scared. Scared that people will no longer want to be my friends of family. Scared that you would stop loving me if you knew. Its not something that I chose and if I could I would choose to be normal and have a wife and kids, but I can’t and I don’t want to lie anymore.
I don’t like that I have to lie or just be quiet when you bring up a girlfriend or marriage. Number 1 I don’t want to lie to people and number 2 it really sucks having to hold back what I really want to say or talk about.
I have been “different” for a really long time. I just didn’t know that meant I was gay until probably junior high and even then I tried to make it go away. About a year ago I just kind of accepted it though. This probably isn’t 100% news to you, who else is 23 and never had a girlfriend?? For the record I have never been in a relationship, of any kind. I have always felt that I couldn’t date anyone without you knowing who I was. And I still do want to meet someone and get married and have kids.
Lea, U, and B are the only people who I have told so far, and now you. I would really like if I could just be myself around all of my friends, coworkers and family. I don’t know how they would take it but it has to better than living a lie.
I don’t know how or when I will ever tell dad. When I get there I guess I will cross that bridge. And I honestly don’t think he will take it as well as I am hoping that you are as you read.
I am really scared and shaky as I type this. If I had the courage to tell you this in person I would be crying like a baby right now. I just really need you to accept me and be there for me because support is something I don’t have. Please let me know that you got this email so I am not waiting around nervously for days anticipating what will happen.
If you don’t think that you can still look at me and love me the same please let me know. I don’t want to come back home for a visit where I am not wanted.
I love you
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Any input would be appreciated. I already decided I will need to send this on a night on which I do not work the next day so I can drink myself to sleep, because I don't think I will be able to do it naturally. haha.I did really good in keeping my emotions in check as I wrote this, until I got to the last 2 lines and then I almost lost it. I swear the only time I cry is when it relates to coming out. Otherwise I go years without doing so...
good night every one and thanks
Dude, if it's from the heart and you've gotten everything off your shoulders that you wanted to, it's perfect. You don't need to change a thing.
ReplyDeleteAs her son, I'm sure she will love and accept you no matter what, so don't worry. Everything's going to be okay. :)
Best of luck!
Some suggestions:
ReplyDelete1. Add that you have not changed, that you are the same person as before, you did not choose this.
2. Acknowledge that she may have some fears and that is natural.
3. I can't tell if your family is religious, if you are consider including materials that will help her understand -- this is a good reference, you can print out the relevant pages: http://www.familyacceptance.org/home.html
4. Provide additional resources because she probably will have a lot of questions, either books for parents about coming out or http://community.pflag.org/
5. Acknowledge that she may need time to process what this means -- so give her some space, offer to dialogue with her and answer her questions.
Good luck.
Closetcarguy said it just right! I would be very surprised if your mother was going to be looking at sentence structure, grammer and flow on a topic so obviously difficult for you. I will only offer that you make your way in life, difficult as it is. So keep your head high, smile, and do what you have to do to make YOU happy. The rest will fall into place eventually. Easier said than done, I know. But you're up for the challenge.
ReplyDeleteTake care
Steve
I dont often have tears but I got some by the end of your letter too. Good luck man; I can't believe anyone would not love you for who you are. Every child deserves that and I am sure you will be no different.
ReplyDelete