Or so I was informed recently at my bar. This guy was talking about how good of a lay he was to the only other person in the bar, who was a lady. He was upset that he got dumped and spent a few hours getting wasted and talking himself up to feel better about himself. Anyway he said he was a good lay and the lady said she hadn't heard that and jokingly asked if I knew that he was good. I just laughed and said don't involve me in this and then the guy said that he wasn't gay like he thought I was. Then the lady (who is a regular at the bar) said "Chris isn't gay!!!" And the guy said he was joking. But I was just glad that other people have me figured out.........
I guess at least all the work I have put into being "straight" has paid off. I would be pissed if people looked at me and said oh he's gay after all the shit I go through to try and assimilate with the masses. I guess it will make all the funner if I ever come out to the people around here, not that I think I will because I see no benefit, everyone is narrow minded and none of them know any gay dudes so I see no gain for myself....
Friday, January 27, 2012
relationships
I have been thinking a lot lately about relationships and how I get along with people. I have been told numerous times from a lot of friends that I am one of the easiest people to get along with. And I really try to get along with everyone and am usually the one who does what I can to keep people happy. My issue is that I don't know for sure how I would handle a relationship with a guy. After I have been friends with someone for a while I usually get tired of them or stuff that they do all time starts to annoy me. The only friends I really still consider friends and still like are all people that I do not see on a regular basis. I usually want to punch my roommate Lea in the face, I have known her for 5 years and considered her my best friend for most of that time, but now the only reason I talk to her is because I live and work with her. I usually only hang out with her because its comfortable, if that makes sense. I now consider my best friend to be U who I have seen for 5 minutes since the first week of December.
I guess my first issue is that I don't know how to talk to a guy just to see where it goes. I have always kind of avoided relationships because I was never really attracted to girls and grew up in a town of 1000 people. I have talked to a few guys on Grindr but I never know where to take it so the conversation dies pretty quickly.
I guess the moral of the story is that I don't know if I can handle a long term relationship, which I really want but I can't seem to stand people that long. I don't want to tolerate someone I want to want to be around them and be happy when I am....Maybe I just don't know that right people? And I am definetly not a hook up kind of guy so thats not an option.lol
I am off of work today, first day not having to work since the 8th of this month so I am going to catch up on some posting. Thanks for reading and thanks for commenting if you want..
I guess my first issue is that I don't know how to talk to a guy just to see where it goes. I have always kind of avoided relationships because I was never really attracted to girls and grew up in a town of 1000 people. I have talked to a few guys on Grindr but I never know where to take it so the conversation dies pretty quickly.
I guess the moral of the story is that I don't know if I can handle a long term relationship, which I really want but I can't seem to stand people that long. I don't want to tolerate someone I want to want to be around them and be happy when I am....Maybe I just don't know that right people? And I am definetly not a hook up kind of guy so thats not an option.lol
I am off of work today, first day not having to work since the 8th of this month so I am going to catch up on some posting. Thanks for reading and thanks for commenting if you want..
Saturday, January 7, 2012
Who here has a facebook?? Better question who the hell doesn't? I wanted to talk about some slightly weird/creepy things that I have the pleasure of being involved in on facebook. In the past I have talked about a lady from work trying to set me up with her daughter. Well through bad luck her daughter now works at the same place as us. She talks to me pretty often and tries to get flirty with me and expects the same back, I can tell by the look on her face when I don't play into it. Anyway I want to share her facebook status from a couple weeks ago: A***** M**** all my exes are failures at life.. cough cough no
names for the main one but your different and no wonder why
your not my ex. im glad to call you my boyfriend (:
When I saw this I didn't think much of it, I guess I was glad that she found a guy to date and would maybe leave me alone a little. Couldn't have been more wrong. At work I overheard one of her friends go over to her and ask why she didn't tell her she had a new boyfriend. and A.M said she really didn't and then her mother said that it was about me and A.M told her to shut up cause I was standing close and could hear them......
Apparently when I purposely avoid conversing or really even seeing you that is a hint that we are somehow dating and needs shared on the internet.... Not that I haven't ever read too much into things, as I am sure I am with U, but I don't write about it on the internet.....oh wait.haha.....on a place like facebook where mutual friends and U himself can read it. facebook incident number 2 is less creepy and more of just weird for me. As you remember on NYE I ended up hanging out with 2 gay guys. Well gay guy #2 apparently though I was "cute" enough to facebook about. This isn't necessarily a bad thing, its actually kind of flattering, but given the source I would rather it not happen. I'm sure this guy isn't a bad person or anything, he is just part of the gay community that I try to distance myself from. I don't remember what I told before but I will describe a little bit again. He likes to wear make-up and dress up in girls clothes and dance for guys online. On NYE he was dancing at the house party, alone, like a stripper. My friend told me about his facebook update regarding me so I went to look for him and couldn't find him...because on facebook he doesn't go by his name he goes by a girls name that is close to him......just not things that I like and things that in my opinion give the gay guys as whole a semi-negative image and stereotype that is obviously not all inclusive and hard for people to see around. I am not trying to piss anyone off thats just what I see and my perspective.
names for the main one but your different and no wonder why
your not my ex. im glad to call you my boyfriend (:
When I saw this I didn't think much of it, I guess I was glad that she found a guy to date and would maybe leave me alone a little. Couldn't have been more wrong. At work I overheard one of her friends go over to her and ask why she didn't tell her she had a new boyfriend. and A.M said she really didn't and then her mother said that it was about me and A.M told her to shut up cause I was standing close and could hear them......
Apparently when I purposely avoid conversing or really even seeing you that is a hint that we are somehow dating and needs shared on the internet.... Not that I haven't ever read too much into things, as I am sure I am with U, but I don't write about it on the internet.....oh wait.haha.....on a place like facebook where mutual friends and U himself can read it. facebook incident number 2 is less creepy and more of just weird for me. As you remember on NYE I ended up hanging out with 2 gay guys. Well gay guy #2 apparently though I was "cute" enough to facebook about. This isn't necessarily a bad thing, its actually kind of flattering, but given the source I would rather it not happen. I'm sure this guy isn't a bad person or anything, he is just part of the gay community that I try to distance myself from. I don't remember what I told before but I will describe a little bit again. He likes to wear make-up and dress up in girls clothes and dance for guys online. On NYE he was dancing at the house party, alone, like a stripper. My friend told me about his facebook update regarding me so I went to look for him and couldn't find him...because on facebook he doesn't go by his name he goes by a girls name that is close to him......just not things that I like and things that in my opinion give the gay guys as whole a semi-negative image and stereotype that is obviously not all inclusive and hard for people to see around. I am not trying to piss anyone off thats just what I see and my perspective.
K*****........o how i love all of u guys and chris i gess since that was the first time i met him. pluse he was cute. :)
This is part of his status update, it was so long it took him the status and 2 comments to talk about the night..this is pretty much the only thing about me..like I said not bad just unwanted attention.
In other news I have yet to break a resolution! And I am writing this post on my laptop. I have had it for 6 years and It is about to shit out. It has taken me way to long to write this post and just trying to navigate with the mouse is shitty. So from here on out it will probably be all post from my iphone. I need to save up to buy a mac, I hear they are pretty sick, and I have had problems with PCs forever.
Hope you all have a good weekend enjoy and be safe!!!!!
Sunday, December 25, 2011
Merry Christmas!
Hey guys hope everyone is able to spend today with you families and loved ones. I am at my parents house in the middle of nowhere and couldn't be happier. I got off work early enough last night that I made it here intone to open presents with my family. A couple years ago we had a blizzard on Christmas eve an I was trapped out of town for 3 days. Worst Christmas ever.
Later today we are going to my Grandmas to have extended family Christmas which should be pretty fun.
So far this has been the best Christmas in awhile. And not because I got good stuff but because I got my family good stuff and I like when I am able to give something to them.
On a gay note last night my brothers were arguing and one of them called the other a fag, right away my mom yelled at him and told him to watch his mouth. Which I thought was pretty cool because I have never heard her get mad for anyone using that word. Now I just need to make it through this week when I get asked 77487437 times if I have a girlfriend and why not. And my mom has been in a kick about me getting married lately..... But it shouldn't be to bad. I'll just hang out with my little cousins, they have less expectations. Haha.
Anyway regardless of what you guys are up to today and whether you celebrate Christmas or not I hope you get to enjoy your day and time with your family.
Thanks and have fun!!
Later today we are going to my Grandmas to have extended family Christmas which should be pretty fun.
So far this has been the best Christmas in awhile. And not because I got good stuff but because I got my family good stuff and I like when I am able to give something to them.
On a gay note last night my brothers were arguing and one of them called the other a fag, right away my mom yelled at him and told him to watch his mouth. Which I thought was pretty cool because I have never heard her get mad for anyone using that word. Now I just need to make it through this week when I get asked 77487437 times if I have a girlfriend and why not. And my mom has been in a kick about me getting married lately..... But it shouldn't be to bad. I'll just hang out with my little cousins, they have less expectations. Haha.
Anyway regardless of what you guys are up to today and whether you celebrate Christmas or not I hope you get to enjoy your day and time with your family.
Thanks and have fun!!
Monday, December 19, 2011
A new me
The past year has been the roughest, toughest, best year of my life. First off I accepted who I am early in 2011. Which was huge for me because I have been denying since I was about 15. In April, the 16th to be exact, I came out to Lea. On August 20th I came out to U and finally on October 15th I came out to my friend B. Way more coming out than I planned on a year ago.
Recently I decided that I am going back to school this spring. I feel like I am incomplete with out a degree and a less sophisticated human being. I'm not sure why I feel that way but its a goal that needs accomplished so I will do it.
One thing I really wanted to focus on was my physical changes recently. The week before I came out to U I was really depressed and couldn't do much of anything. Eating included. I lost a little weight that week and I felt good once I came out so I decided what the fuck I am going to keep this up.
One thing I do not like to talk about is how I look. I don't think that I am attractive, when I see myself I wouldn't expect anyone to look twice. I am not ugly (I think) just overweight, which by definition is unattractive. I do not find fat guys appealing so why would anyone find me attractive???That was my thought process so I decided to change that in August. And I am actually doing it. Here are some pics......I have no idea why I am posting these. I have this fear that you guys will see what I looked/ look like and will stop reading. I know I haven't set up some false image if myself that I am shattering but that is pretty much the only reason I haven't discussed myself til now.....anyway here is a picture of me on vacation in Chicago a couple years ago.
Disgusting I know.
This is me tonight.
A little bit better in my opinion...actually 30lbs better since August. I know I still have some work to do. My goal is to lose another 30lbs by this summer. Sounds petty but I want to swim with my shirt off, something I have felt to uncomfortable to do since I was probably in the 3rd or 4th grade in Colorado.
And finally one more
This one is my favorite.. In the past 4 months I have gone down 5 notches in my belt. Now my belt is too big and I only wear it because it halfway keeps my pants up.
In 6 months I turn 24 and I want to say that I am happy with my life. That I am fulfilled with pursuing my education and knowing I am doing something that will help me long term. I also want to feel comfortable with how I look and have guys look at me.
later guys--watch my previous video from tonight.haha
Recently I decided that I am going back to school this spring. I feel like I am incomplete with out a degree and a less sophisticated human being. I'm not sure why I feel that way but its a goal that needs accomplished so I will do it.
One thing I really wanted to focus on was my physical changes recently. The week before I came out to U I was really depressed and couldn't do much of anything. Eating included. I lost a little weight that week and I felt good once I came out so I decided what the fuck I am going to keep this up.
One thing I do not like to talk about is how I look. I don't think that I am attractive, when I see myself I wouldn't expect anyone to look twice. I am not ugly (I think) just overweight, which by definition is unattractive. I do not find fat guys appealing so why would anyone find me attractive???That was my thought process so I decided to change that in August. And I am actually doing it. Here are some pics......I have no idea why I am posting these. I have this fear that you guys will see what I looked/ look like and will stop reading. I know I haven't set up some false image if myself that I am shattering but that is pretty much the only reason I haven't discussed myself til now.....anyway here is a picture of me on vacation in Chicago a couple years ago.
This is me tonight.
And finally one more
In 6 months I turn 24 and I want to say that I am happy with my life. That I am fulfilled with pursuing my education and knowing I am doing something that will help me long term. I also want to feel comfortable with how I look and have guys look at me.
later guys--watch my previous video from tonight.haha
I want this
Hey guys,
I saw this video and had to post it. Warning though, if you watch it your going to cry or at least come very close, or if you don't have a heart you will be fine.
Now watch it again.
and again.
That is my goal. I just want to be loved and more than anything love someone in a way that I never have before....now I am getting sappy.
Anyway enjoy the video, I am watching it again. And will do so until I go to bed.
good night.
ps- my broncos lost yesterday, fuck tom brady
I saw this video and had to post it. Warning though, if you watch it your going to cry or at least come very close, or if you don't have a heart you will be fine.
and again.
That is my goal. I just want to be loved and more than anything love someone in a way that I never have before....now I am getting sappy.
Anyway enjoy the video, I am watching it again. And will do so until I go to bed.
good night.
ps- my broncos lost yesterday, fuck tom brady
Wednesday, December 14, 2011
screw settling
I have come to a 189% sure conclusion that I am starting school again this spring. I can not settle for my mediocre job with my less than pleasant life in the place where I live. I need to change all of the above and the first step on this path is to better myself with am education to get a better job that I will enjoy and want to go to everyday. I have always been interested in law and politics and am going to get my bachelors in political science. I have always thought I wanted to teach and that might be a fall back but I want more from life. I want to have a job with responsibilities and have an influence, obviously both qualities of teaching just not what I think I want anymore. I had some issues while I was in school before and come January I will be in good standing on my loan and after and come fall semester I will be eligible for loans and grants again so I will be able to get shit rolling for real, until then I will take classes at a community college.
The reason I am writing this is because I got "lectured" at work today. Not because I did anything wrong but because I am a positive person......exactly, what the fuck. There was an issue with some people I supervise and my natural reaction to everything is to see the positive in everything. So when I was told about the issue I gave a sarcastic laugh and said "ugh why do people say stuff like that". I knew the situation was serious and warranted a serious response but my laugh was a laugh of disbelief and frustration. Even when someone puked and it blew into my mouth this weekend, I laughed. Its just what I do. There is no reason to not try and be positive and upbeat about a situation once it has happened and nothing can be changed. I know that when I blog I vent allot of sadness and frustration, but this is my only outlet to do so, I have no living breathing person to vent this kind of stuff to, so this is a benefit of my blog. Don't get me wrong I am not the type of guy who is peppy and runs around with a huge fake smile plastered on all the time or anything like that, but there is no reason not to laugh at life, who will benefit from me walking around like an asshole yelling at people being serious all the time??? No one. So why would I want to continue to work in a place where having a personality is grounds for getting lectured. I would also like to point out that 85% of the people I am over are older than me. I am 23 and in charge of 40 year old children.
This was not a tipping point to my decision, it was already made. I was just super pissed off after the whole ordeal and it cemented my decision and I wanted to vent.
One random thought. After watching the Real World tonight I think I want to go on to the show. 5 of the roommates became really good friends and were genuinely sad to see each other leave when the show was over. I have never had that sort of random people meeting and becoming awesome friends. And I really would like to meet people and be straight up with them as gay and them be ok with it and treat me as a human. And I would love to get away from life for 3 months and just hang out and have fun.
Until I make the cast, school here I come!!!
The reason I am writing this is because I got "lectured" at work today. Not because I did anything wrong but because I am a positive person......exactly, what the fuck. There was an issue with some people I supervise and my natural reaction to everything is to see the positive in everything. So when I was told about the issue I gave a sarcastic laugh and said "ugh why do people say stuff like that". I knew the situation was serious and warranted a serious response but my laugh was a laugh of disbelief and frustration. Even when someone puked and it blew into my mouth this weekend, I laughed. Its just what I do. There is no reason to not try and be positive and upbeat about a situation once it has happened and nothing can be changed. I know that when I blog I vent allot of sadness and frustration, but this is my only outlet to do so, I have no living breathing person to vent this kind of stuff to, so this is a benefit of my blog. Don't get me wrong I am not the type of guy who is peppy and runs around with a huge fake smile plastered on all the time or anything like that, but there is no reason not to laugh at life, who will benefit from me walking around like an asshole yelling at people being serious all the time??? No one. So why would I want to continue to work in a place where having a personality is grounds for getting lectured. I would also like to point out that 85% of the people I am over are older than me. I am 23 and in charge of 40 year old children.
This was not a tipping point to my decision, it was already made. I was just super pissed off after the whole ordeal and it cemented my decision and I wanted to vent.
One random thought. After watching the Real World tonight I think I want to go on to the show. 5 of the roommates became really good friends and were genuinely sad to see each other leave when the show was over. I have never had that sort of random people meeting and becoming awesome friends. And I really would like to meet people and be straight up with them as gay and them be ok with it and treat me as a human. And I would love to get away from life for 3 months and just hang out and have fun.
Until I make the cast, school here I come!!!
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